A Matter of Life and Death
by Seaside Sally
Summary: My take on The Cafe scene, from the final episode 'The End of Time' written from the Tenth Doctor's point of view. I've used the term 'camara' to describe a word the Timelords might have used to describe a 'spiritual moment before death'. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

a Matter of Life and Death

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_My take on The Cafe scene, from the final episode 'The End of Time' written from the Tenth Doctor's point of view. I've used the term 'camara' to describe a word the Timelords might have used to describe a 'spiritual moment before death'. I'm sure there probably is a word for it already written but I couldn't find it . This story will probably run to two chapters. This is my second Dr Who Fanfic. Feedback welcomed _

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Sitting in the café, the Doctor felt strangely humbled as he stared at the elderly, white-haired man in front of him. Whatever it was that had drawn the two men together still hadn't finished with them yet. The Doctor sat back in his chair, folded his arms and began to scrutinize Wilf. The scenario would have been amusing if the situation hadn't been so dire…. a Time Lord having a cup of tea in the back streets of London with a geriatric as he battles to save the world…hmm.. The Doctor resisted an impulse to smile at the irony of it all and resumed his observation of Wilf. It had crossed the Doctor's mind to try telekinesis on the old man, just a quick probe to see whether he might discover something but he didn't want to upset Wilf. The Doctor could tell there was a lot of pain locked away in the old man's memory, a darkness that best remained undisturbed, he doubted he would find anything anyway…but those eyes….the Doctor looked into the pale, blue orbs again, he knew Wilf still carried a torch for him, he wished he didn't, it wasn't that he was kin or anything… and he certainly didn't deserve it, the Doctor had let his Grand-daughter down big time in the end. The Doctor noticed that Wilf had quite a cataract forming in his left eye and made a mental note that if he survived the onslaught he would see that Wilf had perfect vision for the rest of his life.

When Wilf had asked the inevitable question 'What's so important about me?' he had been genuinely perplexed; Wilf honestly didn't think he had any great qualities worth mentioning. He certainly didn't have the air of anybody of great significance, just an elderly man, trying to help, wearing an old red knitted hat. Certainly not the stuff heroes were made of. The Doctor, seldom stuck for an answer and having exhausted all channels of investigation hadn't been able to resist uttering, much to his chagrin, 'exactly why you?'

Those eyes again! the Doctor could feel Wilf's eyes on him, pleading, wanting to help the doctor with his predicament. He had the feeling Wilf had sussed him out months ago, not long after they had met. It didn't matter how much he walked the walk and talked the talk and did the science, he felt Wilf could see right through his façade to the lonely little boy lurking within, but there was so much more, wasn't there?. What was it about Wilf that made the Doctor feel at one with this wizened old man and want to spend time with him? The Doctor wondered whether it could be something Humans termed as 'spiritual' rather than a cause bringing them together. The Timelords also had had a name for this; 'camara' .Perhaps they were both preparing for death, maybe it was the hands of mortality at work , drawing them together.

The Doctor knew that in all probability he and Wilf didn't have all that long left to live, the important difference being that Wilf could accept the inevitable but the Doctor didn't feel ready to face death yet, Timelords were supposed to die with dignity…at best if he didn't die but regenerated it would be his 11th regeneration, Timelords could only, in theory, regenerate 12 times ….a big lump rose in the Doctor's throat, he suddenly had an overwhelming urge to cry, this was not supposed to happen, another sign his prowess as a Timelord was ebbing away, he needed to get a grip upon himself. He had broken too many rules already,

The Doctor turned quickly to the window and peered out. There was work to be done, a world to be saved but first he needed to get something off his chest…..


	2. Chapter 2

I'm going to die!', the Doctor uttered the prognosis. It was amazing how much effort it was taking him to say four simple words.

'It was predicted he will knock 4 times and I will die'.

There, he had said it. For a moment, the weight he had been carrying disappeared but he still felt incredibly upset. Wilf reminded the Doctor of one of the kindly old monks that use to inhabit the Time Lord Academies during his student days on Galifrey, his pale blue eyes brimming with wisdom and understanding that could only emanate from someone who had lived a long and eventful life. He met Wilf's gaze. If Wilf was shocked, he was trying not to show it, Wilf remained silent, waiting for the Doctor to continue.

For a split second, the Doctor wondered how Rose would have reacted. She probably would have been devastated and would have tried everything in her power to save him. Rose had been instrumental in helping them to get out of some real tight spots. Her selflessness and devotion had been second to none. She had been amazing, even in the direst of circumstance. He remembered how, during happier times a mere glance or some madcap gesture would have them literally dissolving into fits of uncontrollable laughter. She had been brilliant and beautiful and so full of life and so good for him, she had loved him unconditionally so why hadn't he… ...... too late… he had had no choice but to leave her in the Parallel World.... to save her from harm and from himself.

Rose and The Doctor, 'Defenders of the Earth'.

All gone now.

The Doctor was jolted back to reality by Wilf's unexpected reaction to his announcement

'Well so am I one day! Wilf was trying rather unsuccesfully to make light of the Doctor's situation.

Well, maybe the humour thing hadn't totally disappeared.

'Don't you dare!' the Doctor, meaning it

'Okay, I'll try not to!' Wilf said definitely not meaning it and looking vaguely amused.

The Doctor continued…..'I was told, he will knock 4 times and then… that was the prophecy, 'he will knock 4 times.' His voice petered off, not trusting himself to continue.

'But when I saw you before, you said that your people, they could change their whole body..'Wilf now looked perplexed.

Patiently the Doctor explained; 'I can still die, if I'm killed before regeneration then I'm dead, even then if I do change it feels like that I'm dying, everything that I am dies, some new man goes sauntering away, and I'm dead'. The Doctor's voice thick with emotion, the scenario too painful for words….

Death had never frightened the Doctor before, he had faced it numerous times, he had been close to it more than he cared to remember but his intuition and quick thinking in tune with the TARDIS had always told him that everything would be okay. This was different; this had a certain inevitability about it because it was prophesied. Time lords took prophecies very seriously and respected them because they were of the highest order and because more often than not they had a habit of becoming true. The Doctor really wasn't ready to die yet.

The Doctor could feel tears welling up in his eyes. His stomach felt tight, there was a lump in his throat. He stared at Wilf, trying to trying hard to control his emotions, he needed to stay strong, and he needed Wilf and others to believe in him, this really wasn't the time to show any weakness. His emotions seemed to have intensified since his tenth reincarnation. He had a suspicion it had been something to do with the vortex he had re-absorbed from Rose when he had been the ninth Doctor. Although Time Lords shared similar emotions to humans, Time Lords were taught at a young age to control them through meditation to enable their intellectual and physical abilities to function at their finest. Emotions had been regarded as a luxury reserved for private moments, or it had been until the Time War had broken out, then anger and rage had raised their ugly heads and then everything had changed.


End file.
